Friday, March 16, 2012

To StealthBadger, from my inner Felida

Dear Badger,

as you may be able to see in my previous blog entry, I have not been on my regular YouTube channels for some time now. I have at the same time posted a rather personal message on Facebook, giving a more detailed reasoning for my YouTube absence. As someone who until today found himself on my personal Facebook friend list, you may have seen that post as well. Had you up until the point I privated my channels followed them, you would also have personally witnessed some of the things that caused me to take this step. But let's not talk about your observational skills right now. Instead, let's address the reason for this blog entry here.

It was brought to my attention that you had in fact made a blog entry about me. How? Freethinkeronice, whom we will discuss briefly in my response to you soon, decided to message various friends of mine, claiming some kind of victory over me because you had decided to attack me on your blog. So naturally I went and looked. And while I initially responded on there briefly, I do feel I haven't fully addressed the issues you have mentioned, leaving room for you, or others, to perpetuate this further. I will therefor now give you a detailed response to everything you addressed, in the hopes to clear up any miscommunication.

Hello, Felida. For anyone else reading these words, this will be a bit confusing (though perhaps entertaining). For you, well, the last six calendar months or so have been filled with excitement for you, and I think I’ll add a nice red cherry to the top of your shit sundae.
I am not quite sure why you think discussing my personal life may have some entertainment factor for others, unless of course you are referring to the bullshit that you heard through the grapevine and are now echoing. But what I find much more curious is your statement in regards to the last six calendar months having been filled with exitement for me. I'm still unsure which events you are referring to. Are you talking about my health? My sex life? My family situation? My work? I personally didn't find anything particularly exciting, except perhaps the fact that I ended up in a relationship with someone I care about very much, while dealing with other factors that still influence my life negatively, such as my health issues. But surely that would be of no interest to you, or would it?

This little missive (just for you!) is inspired by your actions towards me about a year ago, or more specifically one action with a dollop of long-term deceit-through-omission on top. Simply put, you lied to me to my face in Liverpool, after I made it clear that I was making a real-life effort on your behalf, acting on the claims you had made to me. That really wouldn’t be so bad, except that you did this in front of other people, and that I said very clearly that if you were lying to me, that I would bury you. Now out of sheer self-interest, I’ve got to deliver, or it will be clear to anyone familiar with what happened that using me as a white knight to deflect drama is an acceptable tactic, and I’m afraid I can’t have that at all.

My actions towards you about a year ago? You mean when I told you about the exact events going on in regards to YouTube bullies, my personal health and the effect all this had on my physical and mental health? There was no deceit and there was no omission. There most definitely were no lies. I do find it rather interesting that you should now suddenly think I did. Have I tried using you as a white knight? Not at all. I simply told you about the effects the behaviour of a known troll group had on my personal life as well as the life of my family. You were the one who decided to get involved based on that. The only thing I ever asked of you is to not believe accusations without proper evidence. You were the one suggesting to talk to certain people on my behalf. All I wanted then, and all I want now, is to simply be left alone and not have my privacy violated. I think it's a fair thing to ask for.

There are parts of this post that are not for the squeamish; you have been warned.
And it was this sentence that indicated that you were not going to simply discuss my behaviour on YouTube or in Liverpool, but that your actual intention was to dive into my oh so kinky personal life. And frankly, I wonder why someone of your format should feel the need to do so. I thought you'd be above that. I guess I was wrong.

It really does boggle my mind when people do what you did, though. It took me a long term to come up with the words to describe it, it’s so foreign to me (and I may not have done that good a job of it, even though people do it to each other all the time, I just try not to get involved in it). Bluntly, you implicitly encouraged me to speak to others on your behalf under false pretenses – basically protesting innocence and letting me act on that assumption.

And this is where I must wonder what the hell you were smoking when writing this blog entry. I implicitly encouraged you to speak to others on my behalf? No, Badger, you offered it, thinking you would be able to get people to back off. And I gladly took you up on the offer, because I wanted some peace and quiet. There were no false pretenses. I hadn't done jack shit to any of these people, while everything I told you about the things happening to me were absolute truth. I did receive the phone calls to my house, two of which were picked up by my children. I did get massively flagged. I received a death threat from Zierota himself, a video which he later on removed, but which I have to this day stored on my computer for evidence. The harassment continues on and on, and I have evidence for it still on this very blog for you to look at (and plenty more stored on my computer). My only fault during that time was to even react to them and responding, first in videos, later on in comments, which, at your very own suggestion, I then stopped doing.

For you the issue was apparently over the moment I stopped responding. But not once did you see that in actuality it was NOT over. I kept receiving messages, my personal issues were still spread over YouTube by a bunch of sock accounts. My daughter had to close down her channel because they advertized it as "my sock", sending trolls to her channel to harass me. You didn't care about any of that anymore, just as long as I stopped responding. You did not once ask yourself what this did to me or my children. The past year has been hell, and I am sure the very people you are now defending are gloating over the fact I now admit it got to me, and it got to me just as much as they hoped to. My mental health went down the drain. But who cares, as long as you don't have to see anything from me in your inbox, right?

Not such a big deal in the greater scheme of things, I agree. Your attempt to use me as a shield is also unimportant; I only started talking with you about AoD because I wanted to minimize the damage, and I’m not that good a shield to begin with. Lastly, your perhaps-not-deliberate attempts to isolate me from the other people who were in on your shenanigans wasn’t that remarkable, but certainly was annoying. Again, since my silly ass didn’t factor in how desperately y’all wanted to fight, and how determined all of y’all were to get in the last blow, all that is a wash. I accept that I chose to do it, and that makes it my problem. However, I made a promise to you as I mentioned earlier, and I intend to keep it. I made it quite clear that if you were lying to me, that I was going to react badly, and here we are.
Use you how? By asking you to examine evidence rather than believing wild accusations? Your "help" consisted of telling me to shut up, and I did just that, while suffering a whole fuckload with every message I received from them. So you wanted to "minimize" damage? On whose side? Because the damage done to me was never minimized, Badger. Theirs may have been, because at your request I stopped responding, I stopped defending myself against the most ridiculous made up accusations. However, when did I try to isolate you from anyone? And who from? Because there were no people "in on my shenanigans". If you are talking about me talking in a separate Skype group to other people who were also victims of the very same trolls, I'm awfully sorry I didn't invite you into that group. But rest assured you are now and have always been free to talk to DeathOfSpeech and ReligionIsCancer. However you got it into your head that I was isolating you from anyone is beyond me. Also, you may wish to review the "desperation to fight". All I ever did is defend myself against false accusations and the spreading of my personal information, and at your own request I even stopped doing that. They however have not stopped throwing these false accusations and personal things around to this very day. So how exactly was I lying to you, Badger? I'm still quite baffled you make that claim.

So we’ve covered your flagging, you inciting to riot, your little kindergarten clique games, and you quite happily allowing me to wander in front of you as some kind of character witness. So not talking about any of the things above, what’s left to discuss? What can I do or say in a video that would be an appropriate response, with all that I’ve excluded?

You have covered my flagging? Oh, you mean the flagging of videos that either dropped my docs or linked to places that dropped my docs. The videos that revealed very private information about me, most of them even false information. Sorry, Badger, but I am well within my rights to flag down videos that discuss my sex life, my home address, my children, my health without my consent. Surely you must have some understanding for that. See, YouTube put that flag button there for a reason. And while it is often abused to silence people who talk about legitimate issues, I don't consider it an abuse to have material removed that discusses a person's private life, or worse, gives out their personal details. While I may have slipped on that issue myself with other people in the past, I have also later on removed such videos and apologized, because it was out of line and they would have been well within their rights to flag me for those. I guess that is the whole point. You disagree with me on whether people are allowed to drag another person's personal things all over the web. Fair enough, you are allowed to disagree with me there. But funnily enough, the law in my country as well as YouTube ToS agree with me, not you. As I stated before, feel free to discuss my misconduct on YouTube all you want, call me names, for all I care, but my personal life is just that: PERSONAL.

Inciting riot? When and where? When I vented about how the things done to me by these trolls made me feel? That's all I ever did, Badger. I vented. You listened. Wander in front of me as some kind of character witness? I simply wanted you to see me for who I am, not for what some people would like to make me out to be. I asked you to apply reason and examine evidence, giving you my side of the story, encouraging you to ask them for their "evidence". You independently came to the conclusions you came to, so don't try to now blame me for somehow influencing you. You being influenced seems to be what is happening now. Because as you may recall, I never once asked you to not listen to them, on the contrary, I asked you to hear both sides. Now however, you are attacking me without ever having heard my side of the story, and seem to have made up your mind already. That's what I call bias, dearest Badger.

Let’s begin with putting what you do in proper perspective. If I were to believe your words and that you’re completely innocent of all (or most) wrongdoing, then I’d be believing that you are some kind of morally superhuman angel who just happens to be both wholly guileless and infinitely gullible, and also that against all odds you manage to consistently be surrounded with malicious liars, never managing to detect them before you are horribly maligned and terrorized by said evil-doers. I don’t think I buy that.

Oh, how well sarcasm suits you. Or not. Fact is that yes, I can be a gullible fool that trusts people way too quickly. One of my biggest flaws is that I am prone to falling for compliments. Kiss my ass and gain my trust. It happens a lot. Not necessarily because I enjoy having my ass kissed, but because I am a sucker for being liked and loved. Because whether you believe it or not, I am a person with rather low self esteem, and those close enough to me know that. Yes, it feels good to be complimented, it feels like someone cares about me, and I am entirely too trusting entirely too fast. And for that often get burned. I also happen to like voicing my opinion when I think something is unfair, even if it isn't for my own benefit at all, on the contrary, even when it is detrimental to my own standing. Combine the two, and you can see how someone like me can make many enemies fast. I trust people I shouldn't yet trust with the most personal things, then I piss them off because I see them treat someone else (occasionally myself as well) unfairly, and they have all the ammo against me they need to "get me back" for not having their backs.

By the same token, I don’t buy your appeals to absurdity that go with the several times in jest you have claimed responsibility for a long list of tragic world events in order to make the point that you can’t be guilty of all that’s claimed about you. The simple truth is that you do a lot of stupid, petty, childish bullshit, some of which is mentioned above, but you almost never do it alone. No, you are a social creature, and you love external affirmation.
And again, here is what I am guilty of: I have low self esteem that goes hand in hand with my dysthymia, which makes me prone to mistake false flattering for genuine affection. I am also guilty of having a temper. I am also guilty of defending myself when falsely accused. Oh wait, where is the guilt in that? It always appeared to me that in your book that was the worst possible thing I can do. Defend myself against false accusations. And when I try to take it in good humour, mocking the very accusations thrown at me, it's not good either? Gosh, Badger, you are hard to please. Shall I remain a doormat then? Lay down for anyone to walk all over me? May I have another, please, Sir? Yes, I am a social creature. I need the external affirmation, but not for the reasons you claim. I need it because without it I feel unloved. It's part of the dysthymia, and I am fucking working on it, but all this shit is not making it any easier, you know?

Unfortunately for you, this means it all eventually comes out if someone is willing to wait and listen for long enough. There are many conflicts you’ve been involved in, and the past year-and-some of digging up information has been full of interesting revelations, the most interesting being confirmation that you have the habit of participating in some naughtiness with someone, and then when there is a falling out with that person, wedging as much of the blame as possible for the shenanigans on your erstwhile compatriot.

No, unfortunately this means that I am too trusting, and often that trust is abused the moment someone doesn't like the way I handle things. The past "year and a half" of quotemines and doctored bullshit you most likely received I have already seen and dismissed. And so have all others who have seen full logs of what actually happened. Logs I could have supplied you with as well, but now I don't think I will, since you already made up your mind anyway. You may get luckier interviewing the other parties that "poor innocent person" you are referring to has contacted and harassed over the past three months. I'm fairly sure you will then see where I am coming from.

By the way, Felida, this would be why I distanced myself from you so quickly, and so completely after the meetup in Liverpool. It was already obvious that you tended to encourage and mirror the worst in people, and I wanted no part of that recurring theme. Once you’d – and I’d like to repeat this for emphasis – lied to my face about your snow-white innocence when I was offering help, I knew that for a time at least, I was only of minimal use to you as a character reference and of little interest at all because I wasn’t going to be participating in your childish bullshit. This left me with a free hand and the knowledge that as long as I was marginally less sloppy than you, that I could dig around undisturbed.

Let me rephrase this for you:

"I got all cozy with you until you trusted me, knowing you are a trusting fool, and then kept that trust you had in me to dig around in your personal shit to find more ammo for my new friends, keeping track of everything I said, while you may have worded something sloppily, letting your guard down, since you thought you could trust me. Mwahahaha."

My, my, what a nice person you are. So who actually was lying here, Badger? You or me? You're openly admitting to getting close enough to me to try and dig up shit on me, and you kept quiet until... when exactly? Oh, until someone with a bit of a butthurt over me being in a relationship whinges about my evilness. Why not earlier? Could you not find any dirt on me, because you noticed I was completely open and honest with you? Gosh, what a surprise.

Now while you’re thinking about what you’re going to do in response to this, I’d just like you to consider that I held off on responding for a year, not out of the goodness of my heart, but in order to both prepare and wait for the proper moment. You now have a minimum lower bound for how long I will hold off on retaliating in order to make sure of my facts, and figure out just how to share how I felt about your dishonesty without doing so in a way that endanger anyone who was not directly involved, or cross any boundaries that might cause a backlash in my non-internet life.
If I were one of your friends, I'd now be outraged and ask you if that's a threat to blackmail me into being silent. But lucky for you I am not one of them, so I am again suggesting that the reason for your "long silence" was the fact that despite trying to dig up dirt on me you didn't find anything. Your dishonesty in this matter however, pretending to be someone who cared, when all you wanted was to get close enough to get the paparazzi shot, is quite disturbing. Boy, oh boy, did I misjudge your character there. Story of my life, I guess. So go ahead and bash me publicly, just like your friends. Talk shit about who I am with, how fat I am, how I should get a job or clean my house, diagnose my medical conditions, talk about my children. Not like none of this has happened to me before. I am sort of growing immune to that by now. You see, every time my personal life gets spread on YouTube, here is what I do: I flag it. Legitimately so. If you feel the need to go through that process, so you can make a butthurt video claiming I false flagged you, be my guest. As I said, I don't really watch YouTube anymore. My channels have been privated and all you will find of me is me singing. Any of this bullshit brought to that channel will be deleted without a response and if violating my privacy it will be flagged. I hope we understand each other there. If not, your loss, not mine.

Ultimately, I don’t particularly feel like arguing over hearsay, so I’ll just point out a few things that you’ve made very plain; I think you’ll find what comes out when you put all the facts together to be quite interesting.

Hot damn, you could have fooled me here. So far, hearsay is all we have discussed. Actually, that is what your entire blog post is based on. But let's continue:

First, you’re involved in the BDSM community. No shame in that.

And why do you feel the urge to publicly talk about this? Aside from the fact that I haven't made this public on YouTube until I was forced to do so by the person you are defending in your blog entry. You know, the personal business stuff. It's personal.

Second, you are having an ongoing dispute with a former submissive. I’ve had that happen before. Seen it happen all the time. No biggie.

I'm not having an ongoing dispute. He is. I blocked him from any possible way to contact me, since I have no interest communicating with that psycho lunatic, who, by the way, has stalked other Dommes in the past. But surely you already heard his story of "we made up", which is bullshit. I happen to have e-mail correspondence with her proving otherwise. But of course he always finds enablers willing to bring his bullshit to my doorstep. Congratulations, you are one of them now. So no, I don't have a dispute. The dispute has been settled: He's not my sub anymore, I am happy with it. Further communication not needed. See where this is going?

Third, you’ve taken a different submissive quite publicly, including flogging the sub with a whip that you used on the previous one. Now that’s arguably in poor taste, but not awful… unless, of course, you haven’t been cleaning the whip between uses. If I recall correctly, you were quite plain about enjoying leaving deep marks when flogging someone. As you should know, this means that small amounts of blood such would be left on the whip, which means in turn that your current sub is physically connected to your former one in a very real sense – again only if you haven’t been cleaning the whip.
This is where it actually becomes amusing how much you go on the very hearsay you claim you don't want to go by. I have quite publicly engaged in a relationship. Not taken on a submissive. Equal partners. And I have never once flogged him, not with the whip I used on that sub, nor with any other item. Wherever you get that idea, I have no clue, but boy, does this statement make you look like a drama whore. Also, I was not quite plain about enjoying leaving deep marks on a sub, on the contrary. I did state that I enjoyed seeing marks that vanished within the day. What I was keen about was the whimpering. As a matter of fact, I specifically stated I don't like drawing blood, even in tiny amounts. However, why am I even telling you this? Because frankly, other than you drama whoring, I see no reason why you would have brought this up.

Your current sub (I hope he’s reading this) would be in an excellent position to know, because If you are cleaning it, you have alcohol swabs or some such and something like mink oil close at hand (some Doms give the subs the duty of cleaning the whip, some don’t) because cleaning and sterilizing a whip or flogger properly dries out the leather. If, on the other hand, you were cleaning it and not oiling it, the cracked leather would cut your sub’s skin. Again, just to make this point clear: if you aren’t cleaning the whip (read as: if you are as lazy and sloppy about being a Dom as you are everything else) then from an epidemiological standpoint your current and former subs are almost as closely connected as if they’d had sex together (I really hope he’s reading this and thinking about the minute flakes of freethinkeronice’s skin and blood being driven into his back).
Once again, I have no "current sub". But my (equal) partner has read this blog entry, as I am sure he informed you about. While I appreciate your suggestion in regards to how to properly clean a whip, which of course was unneeded, as I already know how to, I am not too fond of you going the "lazy and sloppy" route. This sounds very much like the insults dear freethinkeronice is using when he refers to me. And surely you are not one of the people who will bash someone suffering from dysthymia as lazy and sloppy. Surely you will acknowledge how depression can wear you down to the point you have no energy left for anything else. And surely you will also ask the person you are getting all this information from for full logs where I informed him on multiple occasions why I could not handle him because of my depression, yet he kept begging to please be allowed to continue being my sub. Surely you will also see how due to being utterly exhausted I simply didn't have the strength for the longest time to tell him to fuck off and cope with his stalking behaviour afterwards (which he is displaying now).

Fourth, and more interestingly, you have clearly and unequivocally taken a new sub while you are in a loud and public dispute with a former one. Not only are you encouraging the new guy to take abuse from the old one for you, you’re doing nothing to shield him from it. If anything, all you’ve done is portray yourself as a victim, and mocked the criticism of you as overblown hyperbole; which makes me ask, who exactly is the Dominant in your relationship, and are you just Topping from the bottom?
The amount of ROFL in this post is absolutely fantastic. I stress again, that I have an equal partner, not a sub. Also, I am in no loud dispute, as stated before, I am trying my best to avoid his hissy fits, while HE is in a public dispute all by himself, encouraged by people like yourself. I am sure once you get to meet him better, you will see how much of a mental case he really is, and how detrimental to his own health your encouragement of his behaviour is. If you cared just a tiny bit about his well-being, you would encourage him to get help rather than encourage him to attack me. Again, I have logs and evidence of his previous psychotic behaviour and him admitting to having a problem with obsession and paranoia, and I genuinely tried to help him throughout the entire time he was submitting to me, but whatever help he may have gotten by now, I am sure people like you have destroyed that bit. Am I encouraging my new boyfriend to take abuse from freethinkeronice? Surely not. I have asked him, for the mental health of freethinkeronice, whom I know to be mentally ill, to not respond, at times unsuccessfully so. Have I done nothing? Wrong again. I have a phone recording of me talking to the Belgian police, I also have filed a police report here in Germany. "PROOF OR GTFO" you may say. Well, tough luck, my friend, you have revoked all your privileges to evidence from my side by means of your blog entry. The evidence is in the hands it belongs to: the cops. The nice thing is: This time, since I actually have a name and location within the EU, they will most likely not just drop it due to lack of public interest. Yay for me, eh?

Even more than all of that, I’m puzzled by the fact that you participate in internet drama despite claiming many times that it actually endangers you because of the heart condition. I’m puzzled by the way that your back prevents you from doing so many things that you need to do (namely to keep your house clean for reasons we both know, and that you advertised to MANY people when trying to rally people to the cause of someone you identified with), but the heart condition doesn’t prevent you from doing what you want to do for fun, while (again, for emphasis) your back prevents you from doing (or arranging to have done) what you NEED to do as an adult. I’m saddened by the fact that you consistently fail to act like an adult in a mutually informed and consensual relationship based on power exchange, and instead act like someone with the self-control and maturity of a three-year-old on anabolic steroids. I fervently hope that no child looks to you for an example of what responsible adulthood looks like.

Which part of I am not participating haven't you yet caught on to? Privating my channels, not commenting, instead simply sticking to singing and only letting close friends know what is actually going on is participating? Gosh, Badger, that's even better than last time. What do you expect me to do? Move off this planet for the time being? And again it proves the old point that even if I don't engage, I do get blamed for what other people do anyway. So while again my docs are dropped, my house is called, the person even threatens to make my phone number go viral, I do nothing, and you STILL blame ME? See the flaw in your theory? My channels have been offline for over a week. I can participate in drama without being there, hallelujah! I'm omnipresent!

And just like your beloved friends, you now ramble on about my health issues, and how I appear to not be unhealthy enough to do fun stuff, but can't do what I need to do. In other words: "Felida is a lazy, selfish bitch!" Quick, spread the gospel! Fact is: I am too unhealthy for most fun stuff, as you might have noticed in Liverpool, if you just had been observant enough. Plenty of people can testify to the massive amounts of medication I took for my heart, my back and my depression. I even shared some of my pain medication with others when they needed some, as you may recall. And still, even with all the meds I was on, I had to opt out of participating in quite a few events because of my health issues. Had you been in London during that gathering, you also would have witnessed some of that.

Now in regards to that sub/Domme relationship you are referring to: I did act responsibly towards him at all times. I saw to it that he took better care of his health, I stopped him from irresponsibly spending money on me, even though he begged to be allowed to do just that, I told him to get the mental help he is in desperate need of. And I informed him when I didn't feel capable of being his Domme anymore due to my own mental health. Instead of accepting that, he kept crying and begging, and my biggest mistake was not having the strength to turn him down then and instead keep trying to be there for him, wearing myself thinner and thinner. But I don't even see why I am discussing this with you, since it is none of your business, nor anyone else's. So tell me again, why are we dragging my personal relations that you don't know jack shit about all over the internet? And frankly, to hint at my children in your blog entry is just low. Especially since you are going on hearsay only, which you said you wouldn't. Honesty, Badger? Where's yours?

I wonder at your priorities, and I have to say that I’m somewhat dismayed by them, and I have exactly two pieces of advice for you: don’t even think about coming at me. You don’t have the patience to outlast me, and you don’t have the discipline or the resources to do anything more than piss me off. Second, grow the fuck up and take care of your children, who are far more important than any power-trip you get from the people you find and dispose of on the Internet.
Ah, priorities. You see, that is WHY I privated my channels. That is WHY I am getting the help I need. That is WHY I haven't engaged in any bullshit with freethinkeronice, but instead called the cops right away when he continued to harass me. What would you suggest I do instead, dearest Badger?

As far as "coming at you": I am responding to you this once, because I want you to know exactly how I feel about you talking about my personal life on the internet, based on nothing but hearsay, which you so desperately wanted to avoid and stick to the facts. I don't have the patience to outlast you? Perhaps not. Nor do I need it. You're dramawhoring, and I learned from the best that dramawhores best go ignored. Although I did feel the urge to respond in detail this one time. My psychologist will probably say it wasn't a good idea, but hey, I'll tell her about it in therapy and I promise we will walk through it. Perhaps she can suggest a good one for you as well. Is dramawhoring a recognized mental illness yet? If not, it should be. :D

Oh, and again: "Take care of your children." Why thank you for that advice. I am, and have been. And during times my health is stopping me from taking care of them properly, my mother is helping me out. That's the kind of thing people do for each other as a family. Awesome how that works, right? As for the people I "dispose of", you are aware I never "disposed of" freethinkeronice, right? I even offered to be there for him as a friend and cared about him as such, which is why my boyfriend did NOT lash out at him as he would have wanted to. But it's quite obvious that effort was wasted.

Lastly, even if you learn nothing else, remember this: some people have personal pride to uphold, even if it’s only for themselves. The casual way in which you tread on the integrity of others may be even worse because their response will be nothing personal, just business. Oh, and you needn’t worry about me teaming up with your enemies. If I didn’t like them before, I still don’t like them now. I’m washing my hands of you, not my sense of honor.

My favourite round, the advice one! Can I throw some at you in return? Don't say you don't go by hearsay, when you obviously do, slamming your foot so far down your throat, it ends up partially digested. Oh, and I know I needn't worry about you teaming up with my enemies, because you obviously already have! Seems you accidentally flushed your "honor" down the drain when you went after me based on nothing but the hearsay they fed you without even confirming what bit of it is true and what not. Makes you a rather sad puppy.

Goodbye. It would be best if we never spoke again. I’ve prepared for your brand of bullshit because you don’t listen well, but it really would be best for you to walk away.
I'll translate that again: "Bye, bitch. I know that more people read my blog than yours, so whatever I say about you will spread further. I'm prepared to spread more of the bullshit I'm fed for the sake of perpetuating some drama I know nothing about, if you don't keep down and take a beating, like I told you before."

Unfortunately for you I have already walked away from the DramaTubes. What are you going to do? Send the trolls to my singing channel? Flag my singing videos? Stalk me through comment sections? Talk more shit about me?

Is this what this is all about? A competition of who can talk shit better? In that case, don't bother. I forfeit. You win when it comes to that.

Of course there is, as always, the good old offer of "oopsy, fucked up, so let's undo this", because I am just too good for this world: You can delete your post, which can be proven to be full of lies, hypocricy and idiocy, and I will remove mine as well, we will never talk about this again and simply forget it happened, except we will also not talk to each other anymore.

Alternatively, my blog post stays up and so does yours, and the amount of shit I don't give about whatever you can throw out on YouTube will grow immesurable. Just keep my flagging policy in mind. My personal business has no business being on there, even when you urged me to address it on here. It wasn't ME who decided to publicly talk about this, but YOU.


It appears StealthBadger has posted a follow up which looks somewhat like this:

As I assumed, no further response is necessary. I shall now move on to more entertaining things, such as watching paint dry. :-)

Sunday, March 11, 2012


As already announced on my YouTube channels, I will be away for personal reasons. I have for now privated my channels to avoid being spammed by a person that continues stalking me and my boyfriend while I am not there. I am not sure how long I will be gone. It may just be a few days, it may be longer, it may be indefinitely.

I'd like to thank all my YouTube friends for the good time I had with you. All my subscribers for showing interest in my videos and all the idiots for showing me exactly how I didn't want to end up.

Those of you that feel they need to continue making videos about my personal life, whether it's my sex life, my family, my job or health situation, feel free to do so. You will just make yourself look all the more pathetic, not grasping the difference between an actual argument and a personal vendetta and smear campaign.

So long, and thanks for all the fish.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Brett Keane chickens out again

After Brett Keane repeatedly flagged comments of friends of mine for the most ridiculous reason, I decided to inform him that I would do the same to him. The following comment was left by me on JonPaulPrime's video Interview With Jdubs :
@WorldofWarcraftScrub I'm reporting your comment as harassment. Calling a dear friend of mine a pig, another friend a loser and chump, I think you have just done what you report other people for. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a strike for a strike. I'm done with you.
FelidaTheG33k vor 1 Stunde

Brett Keane in his smugness deleted the comment I responded to right after I made my reply, however, not in time for me to actually report it. In the comment he referred to Stefzula as "Shredder's pig wife" and to Shredder as "loser" and "chump".

Edit: Thanks to Shredder, who kept the original comment Brett made in his email inbox and sent me a screenshot, so here it is:

(click to enlarge)

Since Brett reports similar comments directed at him to YouTube, and repeatedly states so in this particular comment section, by his own standards his comment was worthy of being reported. Which of course is why he deleted it, probably thinking YouTube won't punish him for it if it's gone. Fortunately YouTube does keep records though, and I encourage everyone who receives this kind of treatment from Brett Keane to pay him back in kind and report any insult made by him to YouTube.

Immediately following my comment, I suddenly was added on Skype by none other than Jdubs. I accepted his request to see what he wanted to talk about, and immediately was dragged into a group call with him, Brett Keane and one other person I don't know. Originally I felt no urge to talk to Brett, especially since I was in a different group call with nice people at the time. Brett immediately began insulting me, but see for yourself:

[17:41:05] *** John Dubstein added FelidaTheG33k ***
[17:41:05] *** Conference call ***
[17:41:17] FelidaTheG33k: I'm in another call.
[17:41:24] FelidaTheG33k: Not interested talking to Brett.
[17:41:26] FelidaTheG33k: Sorry.
[17:41:49] John Dubstein: hello
[17:41:59] Brett Keane: Afraid?
[17:42:26] FelidaTheG33k: No, simply not interested in your apologetics. You will be flagged and reported just like you flag and report.
[17:42:28] Brett Keane: Your just a loser who talks trash
[17:42:30] FelidaTheG33k: Bye now.
[17:42:34] FelidaTheG33k: And no, I did report you.
[17:42:38] FelidaTheG33k: And will continue doing so.
[17:42:39] Brett Keane: Good
[17:42:54] Brett Keane: To cowardly to talk
[17:43:00] Brett Keane: Not even a woman
[17:43:01] FelidaTheG33k: And YOU are one to talk, calling people in with your own backup
[17:43:06] FelidaTheG33k: scared of a one on one talk still?
[17:43:11] Brett Keane: I'm here fatso
[17:43:18] FelidaTheG33k: How about this, YOU join MY call
[17:43:19] Brett Keane: On mic
[17:43:32] Brett Keane: How about you lose pounds piggy
[17:43:34] FelidaTheG33k: You are the one who ragequit on me last time, remember?
[17:43:41] FelidaTheG33k: And you calling me piggy is funny.
[17:43:44] FelidaTheG33k: Looked in the mirror lately?
[17:43:52] Brett Keane: You look like a female Chucky
[17:44:08] FelidaTheG33k: Give me more, Brett. I am saving this convo. :D
[17:44:10] FelidaTheG33k: This is funny.
[17:44:17] Brett Keane: Ever wonder why your single?
[17:44:21] FelidaTheG33k: I am not :D
[17:44:27] Brett Keane: yes you are
[17:44:39] FelidaTheG33k: Ask Al1981X if I'm
[17:44:42] Brett Keane: Sure
[17:44:56] Brett Keane: Get him in you wont
[17:45:01] FelidaTheG33k: So, are insults all you have?
[17:45:12] Brett Keane: You have no brains
[17:45:18] John Dubstein: lets be friends
[17:45:19] FelidaTheG33k: Actually, I'm a mensa member.
[17:45:40] FelidaTheG33k: Friends with a false flagging, false DMCAing, plagiarizing, doc dropping, cheating thief?
[17:45:42] FelidaTheG33k: No thanks.
[17:45:56] Brett Keane: So you announce you false flag in comments which is recorded but not have guts to talk
[17:45:57] FelidaTheG33k: Contact sent to the group
[17:45:59] Brett Keane: figures
[17:46:04] FelidaTheG33k: add him and ask him who his girlfriend is :D
[17:46:32] FelidaTheG33k: I announced a legitimate flag. Aren't you the one who keeps claiming your flags are legit? You justified me flagging your comments.
[17:46:35] FelidaTheG33k: By your own actions.
[17:46:48] FelidaTheG33k: As I said, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a flag for a flag.
[17:47:04] FelidaTheG33k: So how long before you kick me from this convo, Brett?
[17:47:12] FelidaTheG33k: Come on, you know you want to ragequit.
[17:47:21] FelidaTheG33k: It's the one thing you are good at.
[17:47:22] John Dubstein: have him add me
[17:47:37] FelidaTheG33k: Perhaps he doesn't want anything to do with you.
[17:47:45] Brett Keane: You pln on joining the call tubby?
[17:47:46] Brett Keane: as well
[17:47:53] John Dubstein: i am a good person
[17:48:38] FelidaTheG33k: So Brett, join my call, if you are that desperate to talk?
[17:48:45] Brett Keane: Perhaps you have no man...thats why you always want myself and jdubs attention
[17:48:48] FelidaTheG33k: I am sure you won't chicken out of that, will you?
[17:49:00] FelidaTheG33k: As I said, add Al1981X to this call
[17:49:06] FelidaTheG33k: and he will confirm who he is with :P
[17:49:21] FelidaTheG33k: And I am not the one who called here, am I?
[17:49:29] FelidaTheG33k: I simply reported your comment and you seem to be butthurt

After this exchange, and after asking my boyfriend and a few friends if they were willing to join that call for a bit of clarification (figuring if Brett comes in a team of three, so can I), I joined the call and dragged some friends in.

[17:50:29] *** FelidaTheG33k added Al1981HEX ***
[17:50:48] *** FelidaTheG33k added Matt/Napalm ***
[17:51:06] *** FelidaTheG33k added SchizophrenicQueen ***
I informed Brett right away that in my country recording of voice conversations requires all parties to consent, and that I refuse to consent to him recording the call. US law states that even if you live in a one party consent state, if you do talk to a person from a state that requires two party consent, the two party consent overrules the one party consent, so if Brett actually posts any voice recording of mine (in which at some point I swear at him for repeatedly interrupting me), he is performing an illegal action and I will flag that video down.

Jdubs then added JonPaulPrime, which I had no objections to whatsoever. Unfortunately right after that I received a call on my cellphone, which was more important than talking to Brett Keane, so I am unaware of the conversation up to that point. It appears Napalm had left earlier, not wanting to hear Brett's annoying voice, which I can understand completely.

[17:52:00] *** John Dubstein added JonPaulPrime ***
[17:52:44] John Dubstein: jon
[17:56:32] Al1981HEX: h8tred42
[18:04:30] Al1981HEX:
[18:14:10] SchizophrenicQueen:
[18:32:00] Al1981HEX: brb
[18:34:29] Matt/Napalm: the deaal was not to talk to brett
[18:34:36] *** Matt/Napalm has left ***
[18:49:48] Al1981HEX: brb
[18:53:43] Al1981HEX: back
[18:53:49] Al1981HEX: getting terribke echo

When I returned, I demanded an apology from Brett for the insults earlier on in the chat, but instead of acknowledging that he started out with insulting me, he kept interrupting me and kept babbling on about his videos, which I am not even interested in. Eventually I raised my voice, since I got quite sick and tired of his constant interruptions as well as the fact that he kicked my friend SchizophrenicQueen for simply asking him to not interrupt.

[18:55:35] *** Brett Keane removed SchizophrenicQueen from this conversation. ***

Needless to say there was no holding back for me from that point on. I think this was the moment I began swearing at him. A simple payback for the earlier insults, I think it was a fair trade. Of course he smugly informed me that he had recorded that bit. Good on you, Brett. He proceeded by kicking me right after, in typical Brett fashion.

[19:00:29] *** Brett Keane removed FelidaTheG33k from this conversation. ***

Within minutes Alex was kicked as well, and JonPaulPrime left the conversation on his own, disagreeing with the kicks.

So Brett once again proves that he can't handle criticism, has to show up with backup instead of one on one, and that he will never join on someone else's turf but instead insist, much like in stickam, to kick people whenever he hears things he doesn't like.

Brett, you're chickenshit.